the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
