I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
