How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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