Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
