And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize