why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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