I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
