Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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