I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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