I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
