i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
