I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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