I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
