I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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