You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.