And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
