I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
