She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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