Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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