Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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