the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
