Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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