I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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