yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Even my vagina gasped.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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