How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
