so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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