Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
