Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
