I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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