Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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