Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
