You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
