i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
