I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Come share oat with me in your robe
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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