this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
