Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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