Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
