nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
