my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
