Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
