I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
