how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
