The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
