I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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