No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
