My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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