FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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