Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
