We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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