Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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