Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
