At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
