Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
