My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
