Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
