guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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