Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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