You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is this the sara with the beer cane?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Let's paint friendship bongs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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