this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
