I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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