Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i think my cat just said my name.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
