The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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