All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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