Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
