it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
