I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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