my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
