if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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