nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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