Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
