i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I am available for nakedness
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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