I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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