guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
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