totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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