Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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