Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
