My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
