Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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