margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
