i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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