I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
