Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
