The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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