You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
