i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize