i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
